How to overcome a crisis in a relationship with your husband25.05.2022
With a long cohabitation of a husband and wife, sooner or later love ends, the heat of passion subsides, feelings become dull. But the onset of a crisis in a relationship is not a reason to leave. This is a time when special efforts are required from a man and a woman to save a family.
Signs of a Crisis in a Relationship
Distinguishing temporary disagreements and casual quarrels from a crisis is not so easy. The approaching crisis is indicated, first of all, by the constant irritation of the spouses. When a husband or wife is always dissatisfied with something, is in a bad mood, grumbles over trifles – it’s time to sound the alarm. Most likely, the reason for dissatisfaction is the cooling of feelings or even the appearance of someone on the side. One way or another, this is an alarming sign that should not be ignored.
Other signs pointing to a crisis:
- Decreased attraction to each other. Of course, intimate life in family relationships becomes more insipid and monotonous over time, but the complete disappearance of passion and intimate interest in each other indicates serious problems.
- Reduction of time spent together. From the outside, it may seem that peace and mutual understanding reign in relations: no scandals, no jealousy, no domestic quarrels. However, at the same time, the spouses move away from each other, each begins to live his own life.
- Continuous domestic quarrels. Conflicts on domestic grounds can arise both in the first months of marriage and in the subsequent time. However, if domestic disagreements have taken a central place in relationships, it’s time to think and take action.
- Emotional alienation. If earlier the husband and wife shared good news, problems and troubles with each other, but now they prefer to remain silent – this is an alarming sign that indicates the onset of a crisis in the relationship.
- Mismatched outlook on life. After the end of the candy-bouquet period, “rose-colored glasses” disappear and deep character traits, views, and principles of a person are revealed. Sometimes this causes great disappointment or even shock, because during youthful love, the couple sees each other in a distorted idealized version.
If there are signs of a crisis, urgent action must be taken. This will require desire and effort on the part of both spouses. Alone, a husband or wife will not be able to overcome family difficulties, which sooner or later will lead to a painful break.
Causes of the crisis
To solve the problem, you need to understand the reasons for its occurrence. Most often, the onset of a difficult period in a relationship is associated with such factors:
- The birth of the first child. Even if the spouses consciously approach the birth of a baby, only then do they fully realize what it is to care for a baby. The lack of personal time, the crying of a newborn at night, constant worries about the baby’s health become a serious test for newly-made parents.
- Poor housekeeping. The wife’s inability to cook, wash and clean just as much spoils the relationship as the husband’s unwillingness to help her around the house, leaving the current faucet or a faulty outlet unattended. The test of everyday life ends either with a change in character and “grinding” the spouses to each other, or with a divorce.
- Lack of free time. When work and home take up most of the time, there is neither strength nor desire left for relationships and romance. Perhaps, before it’s too late, it’s time to escape from everyday worries and devote time to your soulmate.
- The fading of passion. In marriage, feelings become dull over time, but there are separate periods when intimate life becomes very bad and complete calm sets in. Whether such a lull will lead to betrayal, rebirth of relationships or divorce depends on the efforts of the spouses and the accompanying circumstances.
- Disappointment in a partner. Sometimes a crisis in a relationship occurs because of a serious misconduct by one of the spouses. It can be treason, denial of support at the right time, losing at the casino.
Regardless of the reasons for the crisis, both spouses need to make a decision – to divorce or make an effort to overcome all difficulties.
When the crisis comes over the years of living together
It turns out that there are critical periods in family life, in which the deterioration of relations is considered an inevitable pattern for most couples.
First of all, this is a crisis:
- The first year after the wedding – at this moment more than 50% of couples break up due to mismatches in tastes, characters, habits. Only those who are ready to listen and compromise remain together.
- 3-5 years – as a rule, this is the time of the birth of the first child, the burnout of passion and romance. Faced with the first difficulties, the spouses either become a reliable support for each other, or part.
- 7-10 years of living together is a period of getting used to, cooling of feelings, fatigue from a monotonous life. Husband and wife have to make efforts to diversify relationships, to bring new life into them.
- 10-15 years old – the children have matured, the house has been built, the mortgage has been paid. During this period, all joint goals are achieved and the time of “stagnation” begins. To survive the crisis, the couple needs new goals, interests, joint plans.
Not always the crisis comes at the strictly allotted time. Its causes may be different, the ways to overcome a difficult situation depend on them.
How to overcome the crisis
At critical moments, you need to make repeated efforts to save the family. Psychologists offer the following recommendations to overcome a difficult period in family life:
- Decide to have a frank conversation with your husband (wife). It is necessary to calmly, without anger and emotions, express to each other everything that is a problem for each of the spouses. At the same time, it is important to listen carefully to your partner, to try to understand the opposite point of view. The husband and wife must come together to resolve the problem situation, agree on how they will act further, give each other mutual promises and obligations.
- Help and support each other. You need to make it a habit every day at least once in something to help your soulmate, to do something pleasant. A wife can give a massage to her husband if he is tired at work, cook his favorite dish, iron his things, fulfill a request. A husband can wash dishes instead of his wife, vacuum the house, cook breakfast for her. So small, but pleasant little things will revive the feeling of gratitude, sympathy, understanding in a couple.
- Set aside time to relax together. Often, spouses stop noticing each other in the daily hustle and bustle, workload and household chores. They need to find free time to be alone without children, friends and parents. A joint trip abroad, a camping trip, dinner at a restaurant will bring some romance into the relationship.
- Give your soulmate freedom and personal space. Sometimes the basis for the crisis becomes satiety with each other, when the husband and wife spend all their free time together. In this case, you need to take a break from each other, spend several days, or maybe even weeks, separately. Of course, this option is suitable only for those couples who can trust each other, who have not had betrayals, lies and betrayal in a relationship.
- Take on a new common cause. It can be a renovation, learning a foreign language, starting a new business. The main thing is that the new occupation should be interesting for both spouses and bring the couple closer together.
If there is still love and a desire to be together between the spouses, sooner or later the “black streak” will end and the relationship will be revived.
Do not take a crisis in a relationship as a harbinger of an imminent divorce. First you need to figure out what the difficulty is, and then find solutions to overcome it.
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