Mom's monologue: how to decide on a second child if the first pregnancy was not easy

Mom's monologue: how to decide on a second child if the first pregnancy was not easy

24.05.2022 0 By admin

How to decide on a second child?

I look at colleagues, friends, acquaintances from the playgrounds and watch how mothers increasingly decide on another pregnancy. Second, third, and some even fourth. And I can not find the strength in myself for the second …

Do you know how it happens when the brain has already decided something, but the heart is against this decision? I’ve been in the same situation for about five years. And here’s why: the first pregnancy was not easy. Several preservations, then revealed a violation of the uteroplacental blood flow , endless troubles with the husband’s family (at that time they lived together).

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All the details of that period have been preserved in my memory, and I am afraid of repetition. I’m very afraid! .. I’m afraid to feel active stirring in the tummy and hear the doctor’s words: “Urgently for Doppler.” I’m afraid after the next examination to get to the preservation and again lie under a dropper. I don’t want to hear from a doctor: “At your age, you have to be more careful. These young mothers can jump like goats and nothing will happen to them. Lie down with us, we will watch you.

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Someone may say that everything should be left in the past and live in the present, look to the future. That’s what the heart says too. But fear wins. What if everything happens again? And then a bunch of new questions: with whom will I leave my child if I again have to lie in the hospital for preservation? Who will help with lessons, take them to English, gymnastics, dancing?

The husband sometimes starts talking about the second child . But he knows my arguments, so the question remains up in the air.

And recently I noticed that I was already starting to give away to those in need of children’s things that I used to carefully put in boxes, signing the age when the child wore it. True, I leave as a keepsake the most dear to my heart clothes: the first shoes, the most beautiful dress, a funny suit with ears.

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In psychology, there is the concept of “gestalt” – this is an experience, a thought, a situation that excites and does not let go. To restore balance, you need to close, exhaust the problem. As it seems to me, freeing the pantry from the children’s dowry, I begin to close my gestalt. True, this does not happen quickly: I collect a package of things for the baby and leave it for a while to get used to the thought – this green suit will now be worn by another child.

I think that one of the mothers will say: “You need to see a psychologist.” Nevermind! I perfectly own the situation, understand it and accept it. And I have almost come to terms with the fact that I will have only one child. Although… Who am I kidding?

PS I confess honestly. While I was sharing with you my thoughts about a new pregnancy, which I can’t decide on, I reviewed my childhood photos – where my daughter is so pretty, small. And painfully I wanted to experience these sensations again – when you hold the baby in your arms, you inhale this wonderful smell – newborns smell in a special way – you hear the sniffing of your crumbs. And I realized that you need to listen to your heart. It doesn’t deceive. And the mind … He’s a pragmatist. We need to fight internal fears, not to succumb to them! And do not reject a helping hand (I’m talking about my husband, who has always supported and supports me).

Have you faced the same difficulties?

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Announcement photo: Depositphotos